


Take me home

by NCSP



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:29:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5953612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NCSP/pseuds/NCSP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius didn't fell beyond the Veil, but ha has to face the concequences of Bellatrix's spell. Fortunately, he's not alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> This is my firts wolfstar fanfiction, I hope you'll like it. If you have some spare time and you want to let me know what you think, I'll be happy to anwer your comments.

He wouldn't let him go. He wouldn't let him leave the room or cross the threshold, it didn't matter how much he would protest. 

He would tie him to the bad if he needed to.

He didn't care how much he would complain, or how many explanations he was bound to give, he wouldn't change his mind.

He wasn't going to lose him again.

"Where..."

"Thank God." Remus sighed tightening his grip on Sirius' hand.

"What...?" he mumbled, looking around.

"You're home and you're an idiot." Remus hit him on his arm, but when he saw him crawling away he settled for a method which didn't involve beatings. 

"I don't underst-..."

"You almost died, you stupid arse." he would've hit him again, but restrained himself.

Sirius tried to get up but was pushed back by a hand on his chest other then the weaknesses he'd felt as soon as he'd raised his head from the pillow.

"Do it and I swear I'll slap you."

"Why...?"

"Please, don't do anything stupid." he sighed putting his threats aside.

"May I finish a single sentence?"

"You almost died, so it doesn't seem kind to say no."

"I... What?"

"That bitch. Your cousin. She hexed you and you almost fell beyond the Veil."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck." he tightened his grip on Sirius' hand.

"How... Why am I here?"

"Harry screamed. I turned just in time to see you losing your balance. I don't even know how I could be so fast, but I managed to push you away. She hit you, though."

Sirius stayed silent for a bit. He's been so close to his end, and yet he was there, still breathing, still alive. "Thank you" he whispered, bringing his free hand on Remus'. 

"No need to thank me" he rose from his chair and sat on the edge of the bed "Just... Don't do it again."

"I'm not that eager to die, you know?" Sirius smiled at him and prompted him to come closer "Is everyone safe? Harry?"

"Downstairs. He refused to leave the house and not even McGonagall could force him."

"I like that boy." he chuckled, but when he started coughing Remus fussed around him, still scared from a few hours before "Relax, Moony, I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Now stay here, don't move, stay in bed, sleep, -"

"Moony."

"Don't even try to get up, tell me if you need something, -"

"Moony."

"Anything. Just ask. I'm here."

"Remus."

"What?"

"Stop it." Sirius smiled at him, playing with his hand.

"Stop wh...? Oh. Am I bothering you?"

"You never bother me, Moony, but you're gonna have an aneurysm if you go on like this."

"... I just think I got scared."

"No need for that. I'm here, I'm fine, stop worring your pretty head."

"Idiot."

"Your idiot."

"I'm not gonna disagree."

"Come here, you lovely twat." he moved slightly to the side to let Remus in the bed, and when he finally moved closer Sirius snuggled up against him.

"Never do that again. Never." Remus murmured against his dark hair.

"I was trying to save Prongslet."

"He's an idiot exactly like his father, I'll tell him when he'll know you're alright and won't blame himself."

"Don't you want to tell him yet?"

"He can be scared a little longer."

"Cruel."

"I'm not."

"My poor godson."

"You'd have done the same with his father."

"He's not his father."

"Welcome back, Molly."

"Oh god. Send me back to the Veil."

"Say that again and I'll slap you." Remus growled tightening his grip on him, his lips against his temple.

"Why don't you bite me? We could go running together under the moonlight."

"Fuck off."

"Love ya, Moony."

"Why don't you go back to sleep?"

"'Cause I can't tease you while I'm sleeping."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

Remus chuckled. Sirius was still able to flirt while laying almost unconscious in his arms. "I'll hit you with a lamp 'till you fall asleep."

"You know, most people sing, others read to make their beloved ones fall asleep."

"I'm not most people and if you don't shut your trap I'll hit you with a fucking lamp."

"You're so lovely, Remus."

"Go. Back. To sleep."

"Okay, mummy." Sirius whispered, his eyes already closing. He was tired, he'd felt himself drifting back to sleep for their whole conversation, but he'd wanted to stay awake, to talk with Remus, to erase the worry from his eyes. 

"Good boy."

Remus watched him falling asleep, his breathing slowing and his hand clenching on his shirt. "Love you, Padfoot."

"Youtooo." Sirius managed to babble before falling unconscious. 

Remus wondered whether calling Harry or not, but he eventually settled for waiting. The boy could wait and worry a little more. And he neither wanted him to find them this way or to move from that bed.

He'd allow himself a little more time with Sirius alone. He'd spent so much time longing for him, for his touch, for the warmth of his body, just to almost see him die in front of his eyes.

Remus couldn't even think about it without feeling tears burning in his eyes. Twelve years without him, believing Sirius'd betrayed them and at the same time Remus couldn't be sure of it; Sirius'd have rather die than sell James and Lily out, he loved Harry as he was his own son and James his brother, and he could have never killed Peter.

Well, maybe now he would.

He sighed and adjusted himself against the pillows, enjoying the softness of Sirius' bed. He'd only been in his room once, before they got together and Sirius' parents found out what he was. After that he hadn't dare to set foot in there anymore, too scared to be stabbed with a silver knife at the first given moment. 

And now he was lying in that same bed he saw so many years ago holding his lover.

Sirius stirred in his arms, unable to sleep anymore. 

"Moony?"

"Here, love."

"Mmh..."

"Why are you awake?" Remus asked stroking his dark hair.

"Can't sleep anymore."

"You need to rest."

"Not that much."

"Don't force me to hex you."

"Again? Haven't I been hexed enough today?"

"I'd say you still haven't learned your lesson."

"My professor Lupin."

"Why do you make it sound dirty?"

"What are you thinking about?" Sirius smirked.

"You almost died today." Remus scolded him, but he was laughing 

"I see no better reason."

"You either rest or I leave. Your choice."

"You're bluffing."

"Wanna bet?"

"... No."

"Are you gonna be a good boy and shut up, then?"

"You know me."

"So?"

"No."

"Bye, Sirius." Remus hinted a move but Sirius' hand gripped his shirt.

"Moony, wait. Please. Stay."

"No. You stay awake to flirt with me and I won't allow it." he fought his own need to stay and raised from the bed.

"C'mon, Moony, be a little more selfish."

"Stop it, Sirius."

"Remus, please." he was almost begging by now, his arm outstretched toward him "I need you."

Remus sighed and sat on the bed again. He couldn't deny Sirius anything after seeing him almost fall beyond the Veil, but he'd never really managed to deny him anything "Okay, but you'll do as you're told."

"Anything. And please notice how I wasn't pretending to be innocent but actually was."

"You screwed it by saying this."

"Damn it."

"I'm not joking, Sirius. You must rest if you want to feel better."

"Yeah, yeah. But stay here."

"How childish you are."

"I almost died and I'm locked here to rot in a place I despise, you could at least be supportive."

"Don't play that card."

"I'm not playing anything, I'm just telling thinghs the way they are."

"You're whining like a little girl."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"I'm leaving, Sirius."

"I thought you were going to stay." Sirius moaned trying to raise from the bed.

"I said... What in the fucking hell are you trying to do?"

"Getting up?"

"Not 'till I'm here, you bloody idiot."

"So you're staying."

Remus groaned and sat on the bad for the third time that day "Yes. I'm staying and you're sleeping or at least resting or at the fucking least shutting your mouth."

"What about..."

"We're not compromising, I'm telling you what you are about to do."

"Aren't you telling me why and how it will be good for my future and for my career?"

"What... Oh, stop making fun of me."

"Moony, a teacher? Seriously?"

"Siriusly."

Sirius laughed and collapsed back on the pillows piled up behind his back "I can't even imagine McGonagall's face when she had to see you sit beside her at the teacher's table."

"Well, she was more upset when I hexed the ceiling of her office to fill it with snow."

"No."

"Oh yes."

"You didn't."

"Ask her."

"I will, and she'll tell me you're lying."

"I wouldn't be so sure if I were you."

"You didn't."

"No, I didn't."

"I knew it!"

"Or maybe I did."

"I hate you, Moony."

"There's an easy way to solve this."

"You stopping being a prat?"

"I was thinking about you doing what you're bloody meant to do now." Remus almost yelled.

"Fine, fine." Sirius nestled against the pillows and under the sheets "But you stay."

"Of course I stay." Remus climbed on the bed and slid beside him "Did you really think I could leave you now."

"You looked so..."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm probably tired."

"What have I been saying for the last hour?" Remus was smiling against his temple, sliding his nose up and down his left cheek. 

"Don't remind me I'm agreeing with you."

"What's wrong with me now?" he couldn't force his grin to leave his lips.

"You sided with the enemy, Moony, you're one of them now."

"And I'll give you detention if you don't shut up."

"Sounds good." Sirius' smug grin earned him a smack on his arm. "Fine, fine, this must be that time of the month."

"How mature of you."

"No one ever said I was mature."

"Sirius, if you don't stop talking I won't leave now but I'll be nowhere to be found when you'll feel better and could enjoy my company more."

"That's not fair!"

"It's a threat."

"You're terrible."

"I'm lovely and you know it."

"I think I'll sleep and won't answer to that."

"Good dog."

"Fuck you."

 

~

 

As the day passed Sirius slept a bit, always drifting back and out of sleep, always finding Remus by his side. Sometimes when Sirius woke up he was reading, but at the very moment he felt Sirius' gaze on him he put the book aside and kissed him chastly on the lips, welcoming him back to reality. 

They talked for a bit, or simply stayed silent, looking at each other, until Sirius' eyes began to close again and Remus allowed him to go back to sleep interrupting their conversation as if nothing'd happened. 

Remus thought about going downstairs for a bit to reassure Harry, but he settled for sending a flying piece of paper on which he wrote Sirius was fine but needed to rest and couldn't see anyone; it wasn't something selfish, but he knew that if Harry showed up in that room he could never manage to send Sirius back to sleep.

"Moony..."

"What?" he asked stroking his hair as he did the first time Sirius woke up.

"Call the toddler."

"He's fifteen, Sirius."

"The toddler."

"You're still tired."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Am not."

"Not this again." Remus groaned.

"I'll stay in bed, I promise."

"Fine, as you wish." Remus got up but was stopped by Sirius' hand on his wrist.

"Where are you going?"

"Are you serious?"

"From the day I was born."

"We should thank your parents for the uncountable number of puns your name is responsible for."

"And for that alone." Sirius growled "Anyway, why are you leaving?"

"I'm not going to be in your bed when Harry comes here."

"Why not?"

"Seriously?"

"C'mon, you can do better."

"I'm a little tired myself."

"You should rest a bit, it'll make you feel better."

"You're not funny."

"No, but you haven't explained me why you can't stay here."

"I'm not gonna be in your bed while your godson, one of my students, our best friends' son, comes here to check on his godfather."

"He'll find out sooner or later."

"He's already shocked enough."

"So he can't be any more shocked."

"No, Sirius." he headed for the door, ignoring Sirius' complaints. He went downstairs and Harry jumped from the couch he was sitting on.

"Is everything alright?" his green eyes were so scared Remus wanted to hug him. 

"He's fine and wants to see you."

"Can I go?" 

It was sweet how Harry was asking him the permission to go and see Sirius.

"Sure, just make sure he doesn't get tired or try to get up."

"Aren't you coming with me?"

"Ehm... Yes." Remus was a little puzzled. He didn't think Harry'd have wanted to have him around while visiting Sirius, and now he'd just been asked to be there too "Try to persuade him to stay calm and in bed while you're there, I don't think I managed to."

"Is he going to..." 

"No." he interrupted him before the boy could finish a sentence he didn't want to hear "But he's weak and needs some rest, maybe you can knock some sense in him." he clasped Harry's shoulder to reassure him "He's gonna be fine, don't worry."

They were silent while they went upstairs, and Harry almost jumped in Sirius' open arms when he opened the door.

"Prongslet." Sirius greeted him, awkwardly hugging him.

"Sirius." Harry was almost crying against his chest, but restrained himself until he couldn't bear it anymore and warm tears spilled from his eyes.

"Ehy, there's no need for this." Sirius looked at Remus for help, but the other man didn't have a clue about what to do. James had always been the one comforting them, they didn't know how to do that with his son.

"I'm... 'm sorry."

"Neither for this. Listen, pup," Sirius forced Harry to look him in the eyes "There's nothing to worry about, everything will be alright."

"And you will have your family." Remus stepped in, silently thanked by Sirius.

"We'll ask Dumbledore to let you stay here for the summer after your last days of school."

"We?" asked both Harry and Remus at the same time.

"Yeah, neither of you will leave this place. You're my prisoners."

"Said the former convicted criminal." Remus huffed.

"That's rich coming from the creepy monster."

"Are your fleas weakening your wit, Padfoot? You used to do better."

"Why don't we talk about wits after next full moon?"

Harry was staring at them puzzled. He didn't exactly know what was happening in front of his eyes, so he kept turning his head as if he was watching a tennis match.

"I'll still be better than you."

"I was hexed by that bitch of my cou-"

"Watch your tongue, you idiot." Remus reminded him of Harry's presence.

"Sorry, pup." 

"Don't worry. Why are you...?"

"What?"

"Insulting each other."

The two man looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"That's common speaking, Harry." Remus explained sitting in the armchair he sat on for hours "We've spoken this way since I can remember."

"Well, not always." Sirius smirked and Remus blushed, looking away and feeling Harry's green eyes on him

"What are the two of you not telling me?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Here you are, Mr Potter." said McGonagall from the door, eliciting a sigh of relief from the two men who didn't exactly know how to answer Harry's question "Mr Black, I'm glad to see you are awake."

"Thank you, professor."

"Mr Potter was quite worried about your health. We were all worried." she added with a small smile.

"I'm fine." he snorted trying again to raise and being pushed again back on the pillows by Remus' hand.

"How many times do I have to tell you you must stay in bed?"

"I don't know, maybe when it'll make sense to force me to stay here without moving a single finger you can stop."

"I swear to God I'll poison you one day."

"Have you ever considered the option of growing up, someday?"

"Ask him, Minerva."

"Why are you calling her by her birth name?" Sirius asked almost shocked, reaching out a hand to ask Harry's help to sit up.

"We've been colleagues, Mr Black."

"You have your flaws, Moony."

"I suggest you do rest, Mr Black." the woman insisted, her stare fixed on his face "Mr Potter needs someone to look after him, even if that someone is as reckless as you are."

"Why are you all telling me the same thing?"

"Maybe because we are right?" Remus' tone was sterne, almost loosing his patience.

Minerva's eyes moved to Lupin, his shoulders tense, his brow furrowed in worry, and decided to act on this.

"Now you have seen your godfather is alright, Mr Potter, you should return to Hogwarts "

"Professor." Harry whined, moving closer to Sirius.

"I have already made an exemption allowing you to stay here for so long, now you have to leave. You will be coming back here in a few days." she added to reassure him.

"Professor, please."

"Go, Harry." Sirius patted him on the shoulder, giving him a little smile.

"I'll owl you if something happens." 

"Will you stay here, pr- Remus?"

"I won't even leave the room."

"Am I stuck here with you?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Blimey."

They didn't sound convincing since they were both smiling widely.

McGonagall bowed her head to the side and then a smile escaped her lips "Come on, Mr Potter, we have to go now. Say them goodbye, you will see them in a few days."

Harry reluctantly obeyed her and hugged the two men, even though Remus stiffened in his arms, not used to this kind of affection.

"Take care of him." Harry insisted before leaving the room, followed by his teacher who stopped on the threshold .

"Boys?"

Their heads snapped up since they got distracted staring at each other.

"Yes?"

"Tell him or be a little more subtle." she didn't wait for an answer and left, then they heard a loud crack and they knew they were alone.

"Were we that obvious ?" asked Remus moving to the bed again.

"As if I care."

"You should."

"Not now, Moony." he murmured finding his favourite spot against his chest.

"Tired?"

"Not that much, I just want you here."

"Missed me?" he chuckled.

"Yes." Sirius raised his eyes to meet Remus' "So much."

The other man took his face in his hands and kissed him slowly, passionately, longingly "I missed you too."

"Next time Dumbledore gives you a mission tell him to go fuck himself."

"Believe me, I already have."

"Seriously?"

"C'mon, it was a nice moment."

"No, I'm s-... I hate my parents."

"He wanted me to go today, I don't even know where. I told him he should have bodily dragged me out of here." Remus kissed him again, his fingers tangled in Sirius' dark hair.

"My knight in shining armour."

"I hate you."

"You don't."

"No, I don't." he smiled happily and Sirius snuggled even closer to his lover.

 

~

 

As the days passed Sirius got slowly better, but that wasn't enough to earn him the permission to leave the room. Remus was still watching his every move, bringing his meals to his bed and spendig time with him on the bed or in the armchair with a book when Sirius was sleeping. 

Dumbledore showed up twice to monitor the situation, but he wouldn't have been able to move Lupin even if he managed to stun him. The Headmaster came to realise that keeping them apart wasn't the solution: he'd tried to avoid every misunderstanding between them through distance for Harry's sake, but watching them from behind the door he understood they weren't going to jump at each other throats at the first given moment. He'd thought that years of misplaced hatred would've led Lupin to the impossibility of forgiving Sirius even though he was innocent, but now he saw how wrong he'd been.

Remus was by Sirius' bedside, a book in his lap and his eyes closed since he'd been up all night to be sure his conditions weren't going to worsen, but when Sirius groaned in his sleep his eyes shut open and his body jerked toward the bed, relaxing just when he realised that his lover was just sleeping. At that moment the werewolf sighed and leaned back in his armchair closing the book and stretching his arm to fix the blanket Sirius was wrapped in, then he stood up and made for the door, where he found the Headmaster and almost hexed him.

"It's just me, Remus." the old wizard said to reassure him.

"Oh... I'm sorry professor, I didn't hear you." his voice was gentle, but there was something right under the surface that made clear that he was going to fight even Dumbledore if he needed to.

"I've just arrived, I'm sorry I've scared you. I was just checking the situation."

"Everything's fine, thank you." he answered dryly. 

"I'm glad to hear that, but..."

"I'm not gonna leave. I've been away for too long, now I want to stay here, I'm not going to leave Sirius again. I don't care which mission you want to set for me, which important message I have to deliver, which dreadful creature you want me to contact, I won't obey you this time. I've done it plenty of times, I allowed you to dictate my every move, now I've had enough. Every time I listen to you someone I love risks to die and I can't take it anymore, not now. I almost saw Sirius die in front of my eyes and I realised I haven't been able to reach him for thirteen years, twelve years because he was in Azkaban, and the last one and a half  because you sent me... I don't even know where you sent me, for god's sake. I just know I almost lost the last part of my family because I risked not to be here when I was needed so I'm sorry, professor, but, with all due respect, I'm not gonna listen to a single fucking word."

Dumbledore listend silently to his tirade and when Remus stopped he nodded "You are right. I came here to tell you, to ask you, to stay this time."

"What?"

"Sirius needs you, I shouldn't have asked you to leave two days ago."

"And I shouldn't have answered the way I did." Remus replied blushing after a small pause. 

"You had every reason to, I reckon. Now go and get some rest, you need it." he patted the young man on the shoulder and then disappeared. 

Remus looked around with an expression of bewilderment painted on his face, then he returned into the room, climbing onto the bed and finding Sirius' grey eyes fixed on him.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep."

"Rem, you look as though the door just spoke to you." he stroked his cheek with the tips of his fingers.

"Dumbledore was here."

"Are you leaving?" Sirius asked worried. He didn't want to be alone in that house haunted with so many bad memories, and every mission which required Remus' presence was usually dangerous. 

"He told me to stay here with you."

"... Now I get why you're confused."

"I... I just don't know what's going on."

"We could ask McGogo."

"Or we could do nothing and enjoy this moment." he wondered, his voice far away from their conversation.

"You? You decide not to worry about something?"

"I already have you to worry about."

"I'm not a child."

"That's not what I'm saying."

That sentence convinced Sirius something was wrong. Remus would've usually joked with him for a long while, now he just looked tired, as if he only wanted to close his eyes for a bit and rest "I know, love." he kept quiet, knowing his lover to well to attempt to cheer up his mood. Remus only needed him to be there, by his side, safe and sound. 

 

~

 

"Moony. Moony. Moony. Moony."

"What the hell do you want?"

"Why did you stop being all worried about me? I prefered you when you fussed over all day."

"It's three in the morning." he growled.

"How do you know?"

"The alarm clock on the bedside table."

"Oh, that's what it is."

"Sirius."

"What?"

"Let me sleep."

"But I'm awake."

"I'm not."

"You are now."

"No, I'm sleeping."

"That's what you get when you force me in bed for days."

"I thought you would've been tired in that case."

"Tire me out."

"Nice try. Leave me alone."

"C'mon, pay me attention."

"Not at three in the morning."

"You used to keep me company all night."

"When we were young and I hadn't been up all day."

"I was thinking about leaving."

"What?" Remus turned to face him and Sirius smirked since he'd managed to gain his attention.

"Not you, idiot. This place."

Remus tried to conceal it, but Sirius couldn't miss his sigh of relief "You can't leave, Dumbledore won't allow it."

"I'm not gonna leave this house, well, I'd like to, I hate this place, but I know I can't. I just want to move out of this room."

"That's your room." Remus gave up on his attempt to go back to sleep.

"And I hate it."

"Do you want to sleep on the couch? Because I'm staying here."

"How supportive, my love." he snorted sarcastically. 

"Stay here and I'll support you as long as you want. Longer, if you let me sleep."

"Grumpy Moony. Don't you even want to hear my idea?"

"No."

"Aren't you curious?"

"No."

"Not even a little bit?"

"No."

"How disappointing, Moony."

"Tell the fucking thing and let me go back to sleep!" he almost yelled.

"Now that I got your attention," he said straightening up, his eyes lit as they were when they were boys and were up to some mischief "I was thinking of moving into another room. A particular room."

"Which one?" the werewolf sighed propping himself on his elbow.

"My parents'." Sirius grinned widely.

"You must be jocking."

"Not at all. We'll move there tomorrow."

"We?"

"Sure, you come with me."

"No, thank you."

"Why not?"

"Seriously?"

"I don't see why we shouldn't."

"You've gone mad."

"They're dead, what do you worry about?"

"Sirius, please, stop and think just for a second."

"C'mon, it'll be funny."

"No, Sirius."

"Why not?"

"Do you really think there aren't curses all around the house? You've seen that dreadful painting in the hall, I don't even want to know what could be waiting for us in there."

"We can look out for that stuff before we move."

"You're not sixteen, Sirius. Stop the riot. You need to rest and recover for your godson, you can't be your reckless old self anymore."

"I only want to move in that fucking room." he huffed, then turned on his side, his back facing Remus.

"We can move in every other room if you want to," the werewolf whispered in a soothing tone, his arms circling Sirius' waist "Just not that one. I don't want the sheets to strangle us in our sleep."

Sirius tried to ignore him, but he couldn't stay mad at Remus when he felt his nose sliding up and down his own neck "I don't want another room." he grumbled, sounding very much as a child.

"Then what's this all about?"

"Nothing."

"Padfoot."

"Nothing, don't worry." he turned again, but this time his eyes met Remus' "It was just a childish thought, never mind."

"I don't like it when you reckon you are being childish, that's my place to say it and yours to deny it looking more childish the more you speak." his protest didn't sound very convincing since his lips were moving all along Sirius' jaw and neck.

"If you're going to stop I'll be the one strangling you." he purred arching his back to move their bodies closer.

"You're still too weak, love."

"Let me judge this."

"We both know you don't have the slightest idea of your limits."

" 'Cause I have none."

Remus giggled against his skin, then he left a last, long kiss on the other man's lips and shifted back on his side of the bed "Go to sleep."

"Oh, c'mon." he snorted.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't until next day that Remus found out what was troubling Sirius.

The dark-haired man had insisted on having lunch in the kitchen since he was sick of staying in the same place all day, but walking downstairs and sit straight during the entire lunch had tired him out, so his eyes were almost closing by themselves when Remus poured him some coffee. He'd refused to admit his defeat though, but had had to accept Remus' help to climb back upstairs.

He'd fallen asleep shortly after, the other man suppressing a laugh for how Sirius' stubbornes had been won by his need to rest.

Even though he knew perfectly well that the house was safe and the monitoring spell he had cast on the room was working he couldn't force himself to leave. He felt the physical urgency of staying there, where he could keep his eyes on his lover and could hear his even breath.

Half an hour had passed when he heard Sirius stir in his sleep, his hands grasping the sheets as if to use them as a shield to protect himself from some invisible force which was hiding behind his eyelids. 

"Pads? 'S everything alright," he asked from his armchair putting his book aside.

There was no answer from the sleeping man who kept on turning as if running from something awful. 

"Pads? Sirius?" he rose and sat on the edge of the bed, trying to wake him up "Hey, you're having a nightmare, wake up." even though Remus grabbed his arm his eyes remained shut "Sirius, it's a dream, wake up, c'mon. I don't want you tossing around, you've already moved enough today." he tried to shake Sirius' body, but that was of no help.

Anxiety began to creep in his chest. He couldn't wake Sirius up, he couldn't rescue him from the dreadful place he'd fell in. All Remus could do was sit and watch. 

After a long moment an idea showed up on the surface of his mind. There was something he could do. Maybe he couldn't wake Sirius up, but he could be ready for the aftermath. If he already knew what the dream was about Sirius wouldn't have been forced to tell him to be comforted, he could have spared him this, at least. 

So Remus made up his mind and gently touched Sirius temple with his fingers.

 

~

 

Remus found himself in the very room he thought he would've left entering Sirius' dream, but it was somehow different. It took him a moment to realise that was because a snowy light was creeping into the room from the window.

In the opposite corner of the room a kid was hugging his knees, a kid he knew very well.

"Sirius?"

The boy didn't seem to hear him. Apparently entering dreams was the same as watching memories in a Pensive, so he settled for identifying why Sirius looked so scared. He must've been eleven or twelve, Remus couldn't tell, but he was more prone to eleven since his hair wasn't very long.

His attempt to decipher the setting of the dream was interrupted by the door, which flung open as a woman entered the room.

"How dared you!" she yelled at the boy who tried to make himself as little as possible, as if to offer the smallest target he could. 

"It's... It's not my fault, mother."

"Generations of Blacks in Slytherin and then you decide to dishonour us all!" she approached him and slapped him right in the face.

"I could do nothing, mother." he cried crawling away.

"A stain on our family name, that's what you are."

"You know how the Sorting Hat works, mum, I..."

"I told you countless time not to call me that way." and with a swift movement, before Sirius could even think of running away, she raised her wand and the boy started  writhing in pain on the floor. Remus flung himself toward him to shield him with his own body, but his hand passed through the small body as though it was air.

"Next time don't bother to come home for Christmas." she snarled approaching the door "And don't even try to come down tomorrow, I don't want the whole family to see you."

"But tomorrow is Christmas." he whined, using all his strength to raise his head from the parquet. 

Remus' vision blurred and he found himself in the same room, but now it was summer. Nothing had changed, though.

"You can't force me to leave Hogwarts just because in your opinion I'm in the wrong house! What's wrong in being loyal to your friends?" an almost thirteen-year-old Sirius shouted to his mother.

"You are in the wrong house. All your cousins are in the same one, so this makes you the one who is wrong." she hissed, and all Remus wanted to do was to grab Sirius and run. And maybe set fire to the woman's portrait later.

"I'm not wrong, I'm just different from that hateful lot. I'm not like them, like you! My friends..."

"I've heard everything about your friends. They are useless, unworthy."

"You don't even know them!"

"I don't associate with lower classes and so shouldn't you."

"You can't tell me what to do or who to befriend,  these are my decisions!"

"They are not. You are a Black and your decisions reflect on the whole family so now you will listen to me. You will write a letter to the Headmaster and will humbly ask him to allow you to change your House. I don't accept a no for an answer."

"Then I won't answer because I'm not gonna write that fucking lett-" he couldn't even finish the word; a single gesture had thrown him to the ground and now he was using all his strength not to scream.

"How long do I have to go on to make you change your mind?" the woman asked gently, towering over him.

"Go on."  he said through gritted teeth.

"Or maybe I'll fetch your father."

"No!" he begged her, clenching the hem of her dress.

As the scene changed again Remus thought he was about to feel sick.

Now Sirius was sixteen, and covered in bruises.

"Please, stop. Please." he was in the same corner of the first part of the dream, but now he was literally begging "Please, father."

A man who looked like Sirius in an almost striking way was watching him with disgust.

"Please."

"I'm the one who is asking you to stop. Your family is asking you to stop. Every year you disappoint us more, but now we have had enough. We will not tolerate this. I will not tolerate this."

"It's nothing I can change, father, please."

"Oh yes, it is. You can be a degenarate in private, without bringing shame on us. Without forcing your parents to know what they raised."

"I'm not..."

"But," he went on "You can always be healed."

"I'm not ill!"

"Silence." he didn't even raise his wand to throw him to the other side of the room "We will fix you, I don't care if you agree or not."

"I will never agree." he coughed, drying the blood spilling from his mouth with the back of his hand "You can lock me in here for the whole summer but I won't change. I can't. I don't want to."

"I don't even know how am I able to look at you."

"I'm your son!"

"My son is not a filthy sodomite." 

The next thing Remus heard before opening his eyes was the word "crucio" and the scream which left Sirius' mouth.

 

~

 

He tore his hand from Sirius' temple, panting. As soon as he realised he was out of the nightmare he took the other man in his arms and shook him hard enough to wake him up.

Sirius' eyes were terrified.

"They're not here, it's me, love, it's me." Remus kissed his forehead, his temples, the tip of his nose and his lips while pulling Sirius' arm over his own shoulders and hoisting him up.

"What...?" he asked while his feet tried to give him some balance.

"You won't stay in this room another second." his tone was so sterne and Sirius was so confused that he didn't even ask more, he simply allowed his lover to guide him in the hallway and then in the first guest room he could find. After a few spells which granted them there weren't curses on the room Remus allowed him to sit on the bed.

"Why are we here?" he patted the coverlet and the werewolf sat beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and guiding him on the dusty pillows he cleaned with a swirl of his wand.

"I won't let you stay in that room. I can't."

"Why... Oh. You saw it." he looked away, unable to held his stare.

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"That's not something I'm so willing to talk about."

"But last night, when you wanted to move from that room..."

"I don't want to talk about it." he snapped, and Remus fell silent, only resting a hand on his arm.

Okay, maybe he'd overshot.

"Moons, I'm sorry." he turned and found the other man's eyes incredibly calm. He'd thought he'd have been mad at him for such an answer, but Remus' face only looked... concerned. 

"You're not."

"No, I'm really-"

"Because there's nothing to be sorry about." he kissed him gently "If you don't want to talk about it it's fine, but I'm here."

After a few moments Sirius nestled against his shoulder and focused on his even, slow breath to calm down. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he just told him.

"Not even James knew it, and I knocked on his door when I ran away."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to. Just... Stay here. Closer."

Remus forced a smile and tightened his hug.

"That's better. I ran away the day after the last memory you saw. During the night, actually. I thought he would've killed me if I stayed one more day. The Potters took me in without a single question. They never asked about the bruises, the cuts or the nightmares, they just gave me a home, a real home. The memories faded with the years, but Azkaban and then this house brought them back. When I stay here I never sleep in my old room, it just brings them back even more, but during these days, with you by my side, it didn't seem so bad. Maybe I was just too tired to dream, I don't know, but I didn't want you to witness that and then to pity me..."

"I don't pity you." he interrupted "I would gladly tear your parents apart but I don't pity you."

"You literally drag me out of the room."

"There's a difference between pitying you and wishing you not to live in the room of your nightmares, Pads."

Maybe it was the nickname, maybe the look in Remus' eyes, maybe the warmth of his body, but Sirius felt instantly better, as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He'd always feared his friends and particularly Remus would've found out about his childhood and treated him differently, but now he came to the realisation that what Remus was doing was exactly what he would've been doing in any other situation. Remus was taking care of him exactly as he'd done in the short time they'd spent together after Azkaban and in the days before, there was no difference at all. 

"I don't have to go back in there?"

"God, no. If only you'd told me before I wouldn't have forced you to stay."

"You didn't force me, don't sound so guilty."

"But I am, Pads. You asked me to leave that fucking room and I told you were being childish." there was an edge in his tone that prompted Sirius to do something, specifically grabbing Remus' face and kissing him.

"You didn't know."

"It's as if I've been their accomplice all along, pratically locking you in there exactly like they did."

"Hey, I'm the one who freaks out, not you, Moons. You're the one who reminds me that most of times I need to stop and think for a few minutes before I get myself killed or at least injured. So now listen to your own advice and stop." he stroked the other man' cheekbones with his thumbs, completely forgetting his nightmare. 

"It's just... I don't..." Remus fumbled with his words before finally saying what he meant "All this time and you never told us, never told me. We all knew it was bad, really bad, we all saw the bruises, but we never imagined... this. Not... God, I can't even say it." he sat up and run his hands through his hair "How can someone be so rotten inside..."

"Stop, please."

Remus turned abruptly towards him and saw he had his eyes closed in an attempt to shoo the ghosts of his past away "What about something to drink?" he finally said after a long moment of silence.

Sirius opened his eyes and stared at him for a long while "It sounds like a good idea." 

 

~

 

"Minerva, I need your help."

The woman started when she heard Lupin's voice coming from the fireplace of her office.

"What happened?" she urged towards the man now standing in front of her "Is Sirius...?"

"No, no, nothing of the sort. He's sleeping now, don't worry." he said with a small smile due to the woman's concern "I just need your help with a few spells, I don't think it's wise to do that alone."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well..." he explained what he'd learnt the previous day and how he wasn't going to let Sirius in that dreadful room a second longer.

"Merlin, I never thought it was that bad." the woman sighed. Her face was pale, now "I knew his parents were abusive and all, but the curse..." she trailed off. Apparently, Remus wasn't the only one unable to say that name.

"I know. I wasn't aware of all this 'till yesterday and now I can't set foot in there anymore."

"Why do you need me?"

"Well, Sirius's had a certain idea..."


	4. Chapter 4

"Pads, wake up."

"Mmh..."

"Pads."

"Mhh..."

"Sirius."

"Go away."

There was a moment of silence, then Sirius felt lips on his eyelids and then on the tip of his nose.

"Sirius..."

"Keep going." the next thing he felt was a smile against his cheek.

"Later. C'mon, I've a surprise for you."

"What is it?" Sirius suddenly opened his eyes and bolted upright.

"It's a surprise."

"Tell me."

"Follow me and you'll see."

"Tell me!" he whined tugging at his sleeve. As much as he loved surprises he hated not to be told what they were about; as soon as he found out there was a surprise meant for him he almost jumped out of his skin till someone took pity on him and simply told him. It never worked with Remus.

"Come and see."

"Yesterday I had to beg you to let me go downstairs and now you don't want to tell me what's going on but force me to go and find it out?"

"Exactly." 

"You're a monster."

"You're not the only one saying so."

"But I love you so I can." with a single movement he placed himself in Remus' lap.

"You can as well follow me and see your surprise."

"If it explodes you sleep on the couch."

"Deal." Remus' fingers circled his wrist and tucked him away from the bed and from his sleep. Then Remus guided him upstairs, where they'd never set foot before, then he reached the end of the corridor and opened the last door.

"What...?"

"Our new room."

"Are you serious?"

"No, you're Sirius. And you can come in, it's safe, I checked it before."

"You said it wasn't a good idea." Sirius was confused and had a bewildered expression on his face. When he was a kid he'd never dared to set foot after the severe beating he'd for going in there looking for comfort after a nightmare. 

"I've changed my mind, now."

"And you say you don't pity me." he snorted, leaning on the doorframe. 

"I'd call it a little revenge." he gripped Sirius' waist with a hand and pulled him close, kissing him passionately and pushing him inside the bedroom 'till Sirius forgot why was he even protesting.

"I like it when you're revengeful."

Remus grinned against his lips and was about to push him on the bed when they heard a loud crack.

"Is anyone here?" called Dumbledore's voice from the hall on the first floor, and the two man sighed in despair. 

"Keep quiet." Sirius whispered against his jaw.

"He'll find us." he whispered back.

"We still have some more time." he tangled his hands in his curly hair, holding him close.

"It doesn't sound like a good idea."

They heard footsteps on the stairs and Remus took a step back "Coming." he said loudly "Go dress up and join me downstairs."

"When I said 'make yourself at home' I didn't mean you should boss around as any other Black in the house did."

"I know how to be different." he kissed him again, deeply and lovingly.

"I reckon." Sirius almost purred feeling a little put back when Remus left the room. He looked aroud for a second, his eyes lingering on the forniture, then he turned around and went to his old room for some clothes. He couldn't stay in there without Remus, not yet. He's wanted to move in his parents' old room, but apparently he hadn't thought it through; it scared him somehow, it was a symbol of what had been there threatening him every holiday, every summer till he got sixteen and ran away. 

"Sirius? Everything alright?" Remus voice came from downstairs and shook him awake.

"Just one moment." he anwered loudly, then picked up a few clothes and headed downstairs, putting at least some distance between himself and that dreadful room. He almost flew to the first floor "Here I am." he put up a smile but Remus could see through it, yet he said nothing. 

"Hello, Sirius." the old wizard greeted him "I'm glad to see you back on your feet again."

"Hello, professor. I'm fine now, there was no need to worry."

"There was need to worry." Remus sneered "In fact, you were about to sit down."

"I wasn't."

"Oh yes, you were." he gave Sirius a whitering look and the man gave up his fight.

"Alright, alright, don't gel all grumpy, Moons."

Remus rolled his eyes toward Dumbledore as if to say 'You see what I have to deal with?'

"So," the Headmaster followed them into the living room "I wanted to discuss a certain matter  regarding this summer's organisation of the Order."

"I already told you I won't leave, professor." Remus said in a decided tone whilst lowering himself beside Sirius on the leather couch. 

"Oh, that's not what I'm here for. Last year, Sirius, you told me we couldn've used this place as a sort of Quarter."

"Yes..."

"But I only accepted your kind offer for a little while, just for the Christmas holidays and a few weeks last summer."

"Yes..." Sirius' voice was more and more suspicious. 

"Now I think we should put it in full use, if you know what I mean."

"Actually, I don't."

"You want to move the whole Order here?" Remus inquired.

"Exactly. There's no better place than here and," he paused for a second "You could have Harry here."

"Are you joking?" Sirius almost jumped from the sofa.

"He'll have to stay to his aunt's for at least a week before he can join you here, but yes, you're his guardian, Sirius, his godfather, I don't see why not. And you have Remus here if you need any help. Now I'm afraid I'll have to interrupt our pleasant chat, I'm waited at Hogwarts." he waved them goodbye and after a few sentences they didn't really listened he was gone.

"I... I can't believe it!" Sirius was almost jumping on the spot "We'll have Harry!"

"I know!" Remus wasn't even trying to stop him, he was just too happy.

"It'll be as it should've been. Well, not exactly as it should've been but..."

"But it would've been just right after what happened."

Though the mood had sobered a bit they were still smiling, too happy at the prospect of having the chance of raising their best friends' son as they were supposed to be.

"I can't even believe it." he laughed heartedly, then he realised what Dumbledore'd said "Wait... What did he mean with 'the whole Order'?"

"I suppose exactly what he said."

"All of them? I don't think so."

"I'm afraid you won't have the chance to protest. If you refuse he'll take Harry back or won't  even let him come."

"That fucking bastard." he growled, perching on the armrest of the couch.

"Aren't you glad to have someone here?"

"Mmh?"

"You've been alone into a house you hate for almost an year, now you'll have at least someone to keep you company."

"I have you." he stared at him through his long lashes, a strange look on his pale eyes.

"You have me, but I can't be your whole universe."

"Don't you want to?"

"What?" Remus looked at him, and all of a sudden he realised what's been troubling Sirius all along "Of course I want to, love, but I can't. I want to be with you, stay with you, live with you, but you can't rely on me only. I know, well, I don't, I can just suppose, you don't trust people anymore after all you've been through. I get it. You're right. But you can't allow this to influence your whole life, you can't keep people at arm lenght forever. You have to let someone come closer."

"You do." he retorted, but his voice was nothing more than an undertone.

"I do, but I'm not supposed to be the only person you trust or talk to." Remus sat on the couch, his eyes at Sirius' knee's level.

"I speak with other people."

"But you don't talk with them. Even at Christmas, with the Weasleys, you weren't really present in all the conversations, you kept yourself away. You need people, and they're willing to help you if you let them."

"Why do you always sound so reasonable?" he wondered threading his hand through Remus' hair, who rested his chin on Sirius' leg and closed his eyes.

" 'Cause you're not and one of us has to."

"So I have to call Dumbledoor and tell him he can summon the whole Order and send it here."

"I don't think he needs your approval." he smirked sliding his nose up and down his leg "But you may as well have the satisfaction of pretending to give it."

"Why don't you give me something?" he bent down to whisper, their lips a breath apart till Remus closed the distance.

 

~

 

A few days later the house filled with life in a way Sirius'd never seen before.

There were so many people that it was almost impossible not bumping into someone if you weren't cautious. 

School had finished and so the Order had been moved in Grimmauldplace. Every single member was there, and the house wasn't gloomily silent anymore.

"You can't entertain them all. There's a difference between sulking in your room and improvosing a one man show," Remus hissed at his ear as he passed him in the hallway "I'm still not sure you should be on your feet in the first place."

"Relax, Moony. I'll sit down in a minute." he leaned in to kiss him but the werewolf stopped him putting a hand on his chest.

"Are you mad?"

"Why not? Only 'cause I'm not doing what you want?" he pouted.

"It's not that, you idiot. This house is crowded with people of the Order."

"So?" Sirius asked quirking an eyebrow.

"So it doesn't look like the best idea to snog here."

"Ohhhh... That's why you insisted on having a room on your own."

"Of course. What were you thinking? That I grew tired of you?"

"Well..." Sirius' gaze fell to the floor.

"You're such a prat, my love." he laughed before joining the others in the kitchen. 

Sirius lingered for a few moments in the corridor and then followed Remus, but he stopped dead in his tracks in the very second he reached the room.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

"This is not a pleasure for me neither." said the low voice of Severus Snape from the corner of the room.

"Call Dumbledore, Remus." he snarled (?).

"I tried. He won't listen." the man continued, ignoring the fact that the sentence wasn't meant for him.

"Oh no, he'll fucking listen."

"Sirius." Remus stopped him before Molly could start yelling with the only result of waking up the portrait in the hall.

"What?" he snapped turning towards him.

"Out. Now."

"But..."

"Now."

Sirius snorted but followed his lover out of the room "What do you want?"

"I want you to stop being an idiot."

"It's Snivellus!"

"And you'll welcome him as anyone else."

"Have you gone mad whilst you came downstairs?"

"I'm not, but..."

"Then why are you defending him! After everything he's done to you!"

"I know, but I can't hold a grudge my whole life."

"You very well can!"

"Sirius, listen. There's a was going on out there. We can't fight each other now. He's a pain in the arse, I know, I'm the first one to say so, but he's part of the Order. Dumbledore trusts him and we..." he trailed off.

"We trust him? Really?"

"Well, no," he leaned in to stroke his cheek  "But we can't fight alone, can we? He's our better chance to survive, and if we have to handle Snape in order to survive, to keep Harry and everyone else we love safe, so be it. I'll even talk to him if it means you'll survive all this shit."

"Will you do that?"

"What?"

"Talk to Snivellus for me?" he fluttered his eyelashes, softening the mood.

"Twat." Remus shoved him but caught him by the arm when Sirius lost his balance "You okay?"

"Was unprepared, just that."

"You sure?"

" 'f course, love. Now go give a room to Snivellus, I can't."

"Tired? You should go rest a bit."

"No, no, it's just I can't stand him."

Remus laughed, suppressing the need to kiss Sirius, the old Sirius who's never been sent to Azkaban, the boy who loved pranks and hadn't nightmares almost every night "Fine, I'll do it. Where's the coldest room?"

"I do love you, you know?" before the werewolf could stop him Sirius kissed him quickly on the mouth, then he pulled back before Remus could scold him.


End file.
